A press release issued by City Hall in the comatose-news hour of TGIF Happy Hour Friday (5pm-6pm) announced that New York City is no longer the BIG APPLE, but will now be sold and promoted as SAINT CITY.
The press release, signed by former Deputy Mayor Edward Schuyler (who is now an executive at Bloomberg LLP and working for Mike Bloomberg’s Charity as well with triple salaries but obtained a waiver from the City Conflicts of Interest Board for the limited purpose of signing this single press release) explained that the rebranding decision came moments after blogger extraordinaire Suzannah B. Troy reported (alone, we might add) that Bill Rudin -- refuses to live up to his quote in The NY Times about the West Village needing a world class hospital as he greedily pushes the sales of his blood condos... A hospital serves hundreds of thousands of tax-paying new yorkers while "Mother Teresa Bill Rudin" to build luxury condominiums for foreign investors and perhaps the stupidest 1% NYC -- even stupid rich people can fall and hit there head and die if there is no emergency room full service hospital from Chelsea to Battery on the West Side and Saint Christine Quinn has her head up’s Saint Rudin’s butt and is fine with no hospital in her district and she wants to be our ruler oops mayor.
An anonymous source at City Hall told this reporter that the branding change started with a 22-year old intern who was busy with an assignment to run Google searches to determine how many thousands of hits "Big Apple" was getting and as a side assignment to monitor the Suzannah B. Troy Blog for scurrilous comments about City Hall -- eager to demonstrate her go-get-em on-the-ballness (with an eye towards a $125,000 salary like the Twitter 25-year old) she jumped up and squealed: "Man, I just read where one of Rudin's guys said he was, like, the St. Theresa of NYC Real Estate! Like, guys, remember when Lloyd Blankfein told the stupid news reporters that GOldman Sachs was just doing "GOD'S WORK". Like, that is so weird -- and cool -- it's like Rudin is Mother Theresa and Goldman is doing God's works, like . . . . that is totally awsome! I'm thinking big -- I'm thinking rebrand -- Apples to Halos -- NYC slogan f"Big Apple” now "SAINT CITY! Don’t forget Christine Quinn real estate whore and than Deputy Goldsmith both introduced as Jane Jacobs. (no offense to sex workers).
Please call 311 or contact City Hall via Twitter to obtain replacement stickers and other items with the BIG APPLE symbol or slogan for replacements.